My oldest.

We've been struggling lately with my oldest boy. He is wicked smart, a nervous eater, and fidgety as a 9 year old boy can be. When Monkey grows up, he wants to be a fighter pilot, astronaut, and aeronautical engineer. And I honestly believe him! He's been talking about it since he was 2 1/2.

The past couple months have been mayhem. We started a renovation on our house that's still not finished, so all our stuff has been everywhere. In the middle of that we went on vacation. Husband is burned out and in the middle of interviewing with other jobs, which makes for a grumpy daddy at home.

We were called into the school to discuss Alex's slumping grades and behavior. He doesn't want to do the required work, and hasn't been listening to anyone lately.

Yesterday was a dark day for my baby. He ended up bringing home a written apology signed by his teacher due to poor behavior. Disrupting class, losing work.... I am so fed up with it at this point. I was goosing about in the kitchen after he gave me the note that it took me a few moments to realize he was standing by the table sobbing. Sobbing. I dropped my towel on the ground, wrapped my arms around him and and said what I know he needed to hear:"Everything's going to be okay."

Everything's going to be okay. Really? I don't know that for sure. My stress levels have been off the charts for the last year with all the ups and downs and not knowing where were going to be next Christmas. But I knew my son, my very tuned in to his surroundings son, needed to hear that everything's going to be okay.

I left a wet patch of my own tears on top of my boys fuzzy head. I held him for as long as he would let me, letting the kitchen sink water running mindlessly down the drain. But all that matters right now is having my children know that everything is going to be fine. Whether we are still here, moved to a foreign country or a new state. This transient life is starting to wear me down. I look and feel much older. Husband is actively looking for something else, as this job has been really hard on our family. But what can we say? What he does is important, yes. But for how long do we have to sacrifice our family's time and stability for our country?

I am not questioning our decision to be a part of the military. It is a noble calling for a family. But that moment in the kitchen, holding my heartbroken baby as he sobbed, made me want to move to a farm house far far away from everything so I can protect my babies as long as possible.

I want all my boys' dreams to come true. I want that for all my children. With each developing phase I am starting to see new batches of obstacles and challenges pop up that make every day life increasingly tricky.

Hence my reason for blogging again. I need to spend less time doing things that keep me and my kids from attaining our goals. For me, that means dropping Facebook for good, and Internet surfing less. It has been too easy to pick up my phone and dink around when I should have been changing Barbies with Beanie, or making paper airplanes with Monkey.

On that note, time to hop off the blog and take care of my babies. I'll keep tabs here on Monkeys progress. I have hope that the changes we made yesterday will help.